Day Ten

Hello again!

Life in France is slowly (very, very slowly) becoming better. For those of you who haven't heard from my Mother or another family member, I am VERY homesick. These first days have been very, very hard for me emotionally. I cry a lot and am sad a lot and I really wanted to go home. My family and I are, and have always been, very, very close and I miss them and love them with all of my heart. But after a few calls and emails home, I realized that I just can't go home. I can't do that to my family (both my host and real family), I can't do that to Rotary who has done so much for me here and at home, I can't do that to all the people who wished me well and gave me their fondest regards and I can't do that to myself. I can't let myself live my life with "what-ifs" and I can't just let myself quit when the going gets though. If I had trouble with a ballet variation, would I just quit right there and walk out of the studio? No, I would practice and practice until I was comfortable and could do it as well as I could.
That being said, it IS difficult. I still have trouble with the language (but I should give myself a break, it's only day ten!) and I'm tired all the time. The combination of severe homesickness, jet-lag, trying to constantly understand what's being said and reply back, and my crazy emotions is exhausting. But some good news - my host father, Christophe, works away during the week and comes home on Wednesdays and Thursdays. I met him when he picked me up last week and then I saw him again Wed. and yesterday and he told me that my French has really improved in just a week. He was impressed and I was very encouraged.
Another thing I've come to realize (with the help of my family) is that I'm very fortunate. I've always known thatbut I really realize it now. To be complaining about spending a year in France is ridiculous! I'm so grateful to have this oppurtunity no matter how hard it is as well as so thankful that I have such a supportive family and group of friends. While home seems far away, I try not to think about that but instead think of what's coming up next - a Rotary meeting or trip, a trip with my host family, etc. Next Sunday, the 13th (my Mommy's birthday!!), I'm going to see the Pope in Paris with a girl I know named Claire. That should be exciting!
I've done so much in the past ten days, it literally feels like it's been YEARS. The days go by quite slowly, but I've heard that they will start to quicken when I'm more comfortable with the language.

I started school on Tuesday. Here, school is like college, with classes at different times in the day. I had French and Math this morning, and now have a three hour break before SVT (Science Terre...Earth Sciene, I think) and Physics-Chimies (Physics and Chemistry). Obviously, school is increadably difficult for me, but all my teachers so far have been very understanding. I've never been one for math, but I actually kind of enjoyed it today because I didn't have to keep translating in my head...numbers are numbers.
I'm going to work with my host mother, Astrid, occasionally. She works with handicapped people, and the other night, I went to a little party of theirs and had a really good time. I'm really looking forward to helping her out. I'm also going to babysit tonight for an American couple with four kids that Astrid knows. The children speak both French and English and both Astrid and I agree the it's a good oppurtunity as I can learn a lot from the children. I also learn a lot from my three younger host siblings. I've learned some slang and such (my favorite word so far being "truc"...thing) and I really enjoy listening to them while they talk and play. We listen to the radio, watch TV and eat together. We're all still shy, but I feel like they're warming up to me.

I really, really like my family. They're Beligian and have kept a lot of Beligan habits (such as we eat a big meal at lunch and bread and cheese for dinner). My host mother is absolutely wonderful. She lived in America for two years when she was young and really understands exactly what I'm going through. I feel very comfortable expressing myself to her and I'm really thankful that I don't have to bottle up all my emotions.

I like to write in my journal...A LOT (my aunt gave me a pretty one for my birthday and I'm about 3/4 of the way throught it already!). I feel like I've discovered a lot about myself in the past week and a half. I guess that's what happens when you have a lot of time to think. When I'm really sad, I like to write, to read and to watch TV or movies with my family...it takes my mind of my emotions (if only for a little while). We watch movies in English with French subtitles and in French with English subtitles (it was SO weird to watch Fantastic Four in French!) I've also realized that a lot of old cliche sayings are true such as "home is where the heart is" and "distance makes the heart grow fonder". I definately appreciate all the things my parents do for me more than I ever have before and will never again take them or my funny, silly, darling brother for granted. There have been times when I've been writing in my journal and I'll think of something philisophical and profound -again, the effect of being in my own head for so long - I think it's kind of funny that I'm becoming a little Voltaire...

Well, I should go do my French homework. It'll take me awhile, I'm sure, but it's something to do. Thanks for all your comments, emails and love. I miss and love you all! XOXO

PS...sorry for the spelling mistakes...I can't seem to work the spell check!